When Success Feels Like a Crime: Understanding Survivor’s Guilt at Work

One of my coaches, who’d been hustling for a promotion for over six months, finally calls me up. The big moment has arrived! But instead of a victory dance, I’m greeted with a smile so faint it could pass for a dental check-up. I’m cheering, waving imaginary pom-poms, but the excitement just isn’t catching. So I ask, “Is it tough to celebrate?”

“Yeah,” comes the reply. “I feel like I took someone else’s spot. My colleague just resigned after missing out, and honestly, I think they were just as qualified; maybe more. I feel really bad.”
I ask, “So, what are you going to do?”

“I’m thinking of stepping down, pushing back on the promotion, maybe even offering it to them.”
And just like that, my coachee had joined the exclusive club of Survivor’s Guilt.

Sounds Familiar?
You just got promoted, cracked the biggest deal of the year, or survived Covid. Congratulations!
But wait… your equally talented colleague, friend, or family member didn’t. Damn!
Instead of popping the bubbly, you’re feeling... awkward? Even guilty?

Welcome to the exclusive club of Survivor’s Guilt—no membership fee required, just a dash of success and a sprinkle of empathy.

What’s Survivor’s Guilt, Anyway?
Originally studied in actual survivors of traumatic events (think shipwrecks, not spreadsheets), this psychological phenomenon kicks in whenever we receive positive outcomes that others don’t.
Our brains, the drama queens in our lives, struggle with the randomness of success.

** Why did you get promoted when your mate didn’t?

** How did you win the deal when the most deserving colleague didn’t?

** How did you survive Covid with a tonne of co-morbidities when your very healthy cousin gave in?

So, naturally, you feel... guilty! (And maybe a bit like you’ve stolen someone’s last biscuit.)

This guilt often makes us self-sabotage.
We downplay our success, reject opportunities, or even unconsciously underperform to “level the playing field.”
It’s like winning the lottery and then refusing to cash the cheque because your neighbour didn’t win.

The Smarter Move

** Here’s the punchline...acknowledge that success isn’t always fair or purely merit-based.

** Luck does play a role. Accept it.

** Then, instead of shrinking yourself, use your new position to lift others up. Mentor, share opportunities, be the wind beneath someone else’s wings (cue cheesy music).

Survivor’s Guilt is Real. But Sabotaging Your Success Helps No One.
So, next time you feel guilty for your achievements, remember:
Don’t dim your light use it to help others shine.

Shanti Sharma

Shanti Sharma ICF PCC / EMCC Sr. Practitioner / Mentor Coach

Founder | Author | Leadership, Executive and Team Coach | Facilitator | Mentor Coach

When Success Feels Like a Crime: Understanding Survivor’s Guilt at Work

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