DAIS Communication Styles during Different Phases of My Life

Robert Frost once said “Half the world is composed of people who have something to say and can’t, and the other half who have nothing to say and keep on saying it”. I, for one, have been on both the sides of this communication conundrum during the different phases of my life.

As a child of busy, working parents, I grew among a slew of supportive neighbors, friends and relatives. I valued the presence of people and spontaneously connected with all and sundry. ‘An enthusiastic, fun-loving girl’ was how I was known. This is one incident that is etched in my memory till date. There was a power failure in our neighborhood. On probing, we found that the issue was limited to just five houses. We decided to pressurize the Electricity Board officials by constantly calling them over phone to rectify the problem. You see, it was an era of landlines with no caller IDs. We were literally burning the midnight oil as every grown up dialed and spoke. Exhausted, still, no luck. I said “Shall I try? I can talk like an adult”. My parents agreed. After multiple rehearsals, I ended up telling the bewildered officials “we don’t have five houses for four hours!” instead of “we don’t have POWER in five houses for four hours!” Despite the embarrassment, just for that self-assured attempt, all said “more POWER to you!” That marked the Initiating style of communication I possessed during my childhood.

Years passed. Just like most of the children in the south-Indian households of the 90s, I was told that my future was dependent on the final exam marks of the next three years. I fell for the bait. Determined and focused, I diverted all my energies to academics. Occasionally, I represented the school for elocution contests and hosted school-level events. My communication was on an as-needed basis. This phase in my life marked by Direct style of communication helped me acquire a few valuable traits like being result-oriented and independent.

If I ask, whom would you consider as an epitome of selflessness and sacrifice, most of you might give the answer - mother. When I became one, I realized that it begins with patience, perseverance and post-‘potty’ parties. At that time, my friends yearned to sleep like a baby. But I wished I could sleep like my husband. Parenting became my priority. Over the years, I have transformed into a responsible and dependable parent. I demonstrate poise and gentleness in my actions and words. I am against bribing the child for doing what is expected out of her. Nevertheless, I let her know that I am available if she needs help. This Supportive communication style enhanced my self-esteem manifold.

They say with age comes wisdom. When one can discern among the many battles in life and identify the ones worth fighting for, then he or she is close to mastering the art of living. As I am still trying to distinguish the different ketchup bottles in kitchen, let alone choosing my battles, I know I have a long way to go. But I am work in progress. Today, I think several times before speaking. I save my opinions to be shared only with those interested. I know that I, and only I am responsible for my life. In short, I could say that I have become more Analytical in my communication in the recent years.

There is one important lesson that I have learnt in the three and a half decades of my life. I had always thought that to be happy, I need to be successful. In fact, it was the other way round. Whenever I communicated without fear, initiated conversations with sincerity and most importantly enjoyed being myself, I had succeeded.

My dear readers – do not wait for success to celebrate life. Remember, to be successful, you need to be happy.